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This is Scary

I'm a big supporter of dreams. You can often find me encouraging others and trying to figure out ways I can help them achieve their dreams (little things like teaching them about social media, etc.).
But.
I have dreams too.
My number one dream was to be a mom. This has been the single most amazing experience of my life. I have never felt love as I do now and I have never been so happy.
Yet...
I have creative dreams that are so impossible-seeming that they are on the verge of being given up.

I want to be a professional photographer.
I want to be the photographer that people brag about to their friends. I want to create amazing imagery. I want to make my family proud. I want to make myself proud.
As soon as I type those words a little big voice inside says, "No! It's too complicated, you're too shy, the shoots you've done before have been stressful, what if people pay lots of money and hate your product..."
And my problem is I don't know how to get past that.
I know my pictures are good but 90% of them have been shoots with Brett & Neely. The other few shoots I've done have been for friends so that is not as scary, although it was scaryish.

I am so scared to try. I am scared to fail. I am scared of disappointing people.

My fear is stifling.

And it's been over a year since I was "working toward" this dream and nothing has changed. I haven't done one paying photo shoot this year. I am not even set on a name.

It's so frustrating.
I need someone to help me and to hold my hand and guide me.

I'm only posting this HONEST entry because it's all I'm thinking about right now.
I am really at a loss.
Do I give up my dream of doing it professionally or somehow get past all of this?

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6 comments:

  1. UnknownAugust 14, 2012 at 4:47 PM

    Sarah, I feel so similar right now. We really should get together. I know what I am supposed to do, what I am called to do, but fear is holding me back from taking steps. My husband believes in me so much and I'm thankful for that but I have to get over the fear of what other people will think of me! :-/ scary is the word! Love you! Mel

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  2. bf5214August 14, 2012 at 6:02 PM

    I totally know what you mean! I can't really give you any advice because I'm pretty much the same. The only thing I can say is to just do it, and the more you do it, the better it'll get, and I can't even take my own advice. Fear is paralyzing. I get that. I'm always worried people won't like my work or they won't get it. Doing a booth helped a lot because I could get immediate feedback and sell myself, but when it comes to approaching stores to carry my stuff...oh boy I don't have the courage. Guess we both need to go for it. Good luck!

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  3. IhilaniAugust 14, 2012 at 6:03 PM

    Woops. I was signed into Keola's account for that last comment.

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  4. BrettAugust 15, 2012 at 7:43 AM

    Sarah - What you're saying in this post makes a lot of sense. You're afraid of "failing". I believe I have some insight that could give you a different perspective. Being an artistic photographer with a unique style gives you an advantage over the fears that hold other aspiring picture-takers back. When people see your portfolio & then decide to hire you, they're hiring you for the style of photos you take. Your job is not to give the costumer what THEY envision. Your job is to simply do what you do, take photos with YOUR style & your vision, which I KNOW you'll have no problem doing EVERY TIME.
    Once your portfolio is built, the pressure is off, people will hire you for what you do best, for what you do naturally!

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  5. Van Hoesen FamilyAugust 18, 2012 at 9:06 AM

    From what Ive seen on your blog, you are a really great photographer. You DESERVE to have this dream come true because you are so passionate. It would be great if we all gave ourselves the confidence we need to push forward, but unfortunatley alot of us need the approval of others (myself included) to really see our worth. And I dont think theres anything wrong with a little validation! I see the other comments before me and they all believe in you. I follow alot of photographers because it is a passion of mine as well and I hope someday soon I get to follow your journey! :)

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  6. MelindaMarieAugust 21, 2012 at 9:33 AM

    The only thing that overcomes fear is action, so you just have to jump right in and go for it. It takes a lot of courage but I think between you and God you can muster enough up! We met a guy in Zion who makes a living as a photographer, he hikes all over Zion and some other amazing parks and takes incredible pictures and sells them in his very own gallery, he was amazing. It is so inspiring to see someone so passionately living out their dream! When I was in his gallery I was thinking about you and how you could be the same way cause you are both talented and passionate, people love what you do and you just have to put it out there and the rewards will come. xo

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