My computer desk sits against a wall with a window. Each time I sit down to type I can gaze outside into my backyard. There are two tall palm trees whose branches are swaying lazily in the breeze. It is a balmy sixty-seven degrees on this, the second day of November.
The sun is on its way down and the light is slowly turning golden. The way it illuminates the palm trees causes me to smile a small smile because how great this life is.
Today has been a day of laughter, smiles, heart-clenching with love for Brett & Neely, of rest and satisfaction.
Yesterday amongst seemingly constant pregnancy talk and pregnancy announcements I had a time of sadness.
All things do not work out the way I would like, in fact, it seems like since I began this journey of gratitude in place of questioning and mistrust, I have been challenged more than ever before.
The conversations had and pieces of information presented to me have been mentally exhausting. I feel like my brain is sore. Then I remember. When building muscles there is always soreness. My brain is used to a negative way of thinking and of course it is going to be sore at first. I must build up to positivity. Turn the fatty negative thoughts to strong positive ones.
While I was washing dishes yesterday I had to repeatedly tell myself not to give up. Not to let one hard day destroy all of the progress I have made in my thought patterns shifting.
I still, at times, feel as if I am wearing sadness, but instead of a cloak it is more like a light sweater.

I will leave you with the latest entries in my gratitude journal:

580. My BDC girls making a list of nice things about me (printed and saved in my journal)
581. pink clouds in the sky at sunset
582. early morning texts with my mom
583. warm weather today
584. dinner was good last night
585. sunlight on the palm trees
586. Neely talking to the dogs in a high voice
587. the dogs worn out after our run and walk yesterday
588. Brett participating in Movember


  1. Unbelievable. Amazing writing from an amazing person. You are so special and so important. You're experiences, along with your accounts of them and reactions to them, are very inspiring. You are a beautiful person!

  2. I know you posted this a while ago but I've only just found your blog via the 52 Potrait Project. I just wanted to say that I have had 3 miscarriages, too. Now you'll see from my new little blog that I was eventually blessed with a #2. For me, an understanding GP who referred me to an understanding consultant who suggested I take mini/baby aspirin during my next pregnancy is what I believe made the difference. I also have 3 friends who have done the same with the same fantastic result. It might be worth investigating? I wish you all the luck in the world. Reading what you wrote reminded me also to be so grateful for what I have, even when my patience is all worn out and I'm glad they're sleeping soundly in their beds x