| writing |

They say to write what you know but most of the stuff I know is not very interesting or useful.

• I can tell you how to survive a bad terribly damaging and abusive (not physically) marriage (get divorced).
• I can tell you how to survive a divorce (get an eating disorder, make out with really nice guys).
• I can tell you how to survive having really shitty (sorry but that's what they were) friends after your divorce (bask in your loneliness, listen to and feel your favorite music, write until your hand cramps, try not to kill yourself).
• I can tell you how to become an artist (date a boy who is an artist, build confidence from his compliments, never stop creating).
• I can tell you how to survive your grandpa's death (take sleeping pills for so many consecutive nights you can't remember how to fall asleep without them, try not to take all of the pills at once).
• I can tell you how to fall in love with your soul mate (be cool, be open, don't be dramatic, don't have sex before you get married).
• I can tell you how to move away from your parents, family and best friend, only knowing one person in the new place (write lots, call lots, visit lots, eventually you get used to it).
• I can tell you how to survive two miscarriages (breathe in and out, hate all pregnant women, drink lots of wine, paint your feelings).
• I can tell you how to get pregnant after being seemingly unable to (go to church and get prayed for).
• I can tell you how amazing motherhood is.
• I can tell you that if you think being a stay at home mom is boring you're doing it wrong.

I can tell you that even before posting this I feel so much judgement. This is real. This is me. This is how I made it to where I am today.
I can tell you that writing this list has made me realize there is so much more that I haven't listed here. So many things that have shaped me and affected me. So much negative, so much positive.
But I can't seem to see where the story in this would be. I'll keep thinking and trying.