This is uncharacteristically honest. I'm usually pretty honest but not about things concerning motherhood or marriage. I don't believe in airing your dirty laundry but in this case? Yes. It shall be aired.

Today Brett was sick all day. He was in bed until early afternoon and I finally dragged him out of the house. All morning Neely was spirited (cute) and loud (cute). Then she skipped her nap. She was in her crib and didn't sleep. Even though her eyelids were heavier than bricks.
We went to the mall and went to Victoria's Secret. With all of the working out I've been doing my boobs were the first to go and I needed a new bra. Brett OFFERED to buy me a new bra at VS!! So we went and brought Neely (disaster for Brett). She had a meltdown there. She had a meltdown in Anthropologie (where I only look because there is NO way I could afford that place!!).
Then I needed to go to Target because I needed another copy of the 30 Day Shred (mine is scratched right in the middle of Level 3). I told Brett to stay in the car because he needed to rest due to his sickness. I told him Neely & I would be fine.
Here's where my laundry gets aired.
Neely was running around like an out of control animal.
When I'd try to hold her hand she'd make her legs go weak.
I picked her up and she started yelling, "ALL DONE! ALL DONE! WALK! WALK!" over and over.
Cue every.single.person. in my vicinity staring at me.
Cue my urge to spank her or slap her. (I told you I was airing my dirty laundry.) I'm not proud of those thoughts but I'm 100% sure every mom has thought that before.
We made it to the top floor of Target and made a beeline for the workout DVD's and Neely started crying and whining loud for every object she saw.
I kid you not.
My entire body was encased in sweat and panic and stress. I was not equipped for that kind of behavior. At all. I paid for my items and we found Brett in the parking lot and I vented. I didn't "punish" her because what the heck can I do??

And it terrifies me to my core for two reasons.
1. I fear that I'm allowing this monstrous behavior.
2. I'm afraid she'll hate me when she's a teenager.

I honestly had no idea what to do and I still don't.
We don't want to spank her. I've slapped her hand before when she's in danger or I've told her several times not to touch this or that, but full on spanking is not an option at this point. She's only almost 2. She's little. She's usually a peach. A dream. My heart.
She is my heart.
I just want to do right by her.
Today I failed and I need advice on how to handle this in the future.

thanks for your judgement free comments.
(I didn't re-read this because I don't feel like it. I feel like drinking wine and zoning out.)

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