I can't tell you how many people have told me that I am going to pay way less attention to Neely once this new baby arrives. It seems like most people have thought that or said it.
And honestly? It's very offensive.
People said the same thing to me about the dogs.
"Oh, poor Kiki & Sinatra, they'll never get cuddled again." or "You'll love them way less when you have Neely." or "Poor dogs, they're not going to get any attention."
And me, being the chihuahua that I am (to quote Shakespeare, And though she be but little, she is fierce.) I got mad and took it as a personal challenge to prove everyone wrong. And I did. I made it a point to spend as much time holding and petting the dogs as I did pre-Neely. I still do. Three years later my dogs have never had less of me than they did before.
And these are "just" dogs.
For people to say this to me about an actual human, the girl who made me into a mother, the light of my life, my favorite person ever invented, it's ridiculous. And I know people don't mean any harm by it, but seriously?
What they may not understand is that I never felt 100% amazing or great at anything until Neely was born. The minute I held her I thought, "THIS is what God created me to be. Neely's mom." I have almost always felt confident in every choice I've made for her as a mother. I feel like before Neely I was floating around, doing this or that, just biding my time until my real life started. And in March of 2010, it did. It started.
Sarah the Mama was created.
Sarah who never felt good at many things in a family oozing talent, knew she was great at mothering.
This is the difference between those people and me.
I was made to be a mother. It may sound boring to some, but it is truly all I ever wanted to do. I was made to have these children and pour out my love and affection into them; the same love and affection I was shown by my mom my entire life.
So no, I will never ever give Neely less attention.
She will never feel like Mabel has stolen her spotlight. She will never feel unwanted or like she has to compete.
I will use every ounce of strength in me to make sure my two daughters (daughters!!) feel adored and cherished by their mama.
it's amazing to me that some people don't understand how finding a lot of love in your heart for someone new doesn't have any bearing on the love you have for people you already know! so silly. i'm so happy for your whole family!!
ReplyDeleteThank you!!
DeleteIn most cases, they are not meaning "you are going to neglect your first when the second one comes". Where it likely is coming from is their own experience and feelings of of guilt for not having enough time for each of their own children, and trying to let you know that it often comes with the territory and to not feel bad about being pulled in a million different directions when your time comes.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing mother and I have not a shred of doubt that both Neely and Mabel will feel your love surrounding them every moment of their lives, and never feel emotionally neglected in the least. But you are only one person, and with two of them, sometimes its not possible to be giving both of them your undivided attention at the same time. Sometimes they both have immediate needs and you have to do the best you can to triage the situation. Some women are much better than others at triaging and juggling those kids and needs. Two is my limit, I couldn't do more! My girl's sitter is AMAZING - I don't know how she does it but she does a better job of wrangling the 5 kids she sits for(including my two) than I am at just mine. You obviously have that natural talent that she has. So glad you are being graced with another beautiful life to guide through life.
I guess we'll see for sure what happens when she's born but I just wish people wouldn't say anything negative at all about having children. Raising a child is scary enough without outsiders' opinions!!
DeleteHhhmm…not so nice for people to assume that's how you're gonna be, as if you're not in control of yourself. I do worry about this, simply because I don't know what it's gonna be like. I can't anticipate every challenge we'll encounter, but ultimately I think Noweo's gonna love her baby sister and want to help out and we'll make adjustments and work through the changes together. I tell myself it's not just mine and Keola's job to love our kids, but it's ALL our job to love each other. I know baby will LOOOVE Noweo and that kind of takes some pressure off. Love doesn't just go one way. It gets to bounce off of four people now (6 if you include your dogs) so there's only more to go around :) I'm sure you guys will be just fine.
ReplyDeleteI just smiled the whole time while reading this. Youre so amazing, so insightful, so loving, and so good at loving your family.
ReplyDelete