It's not easy to stay in a good mood when you're being tantrumed at immediately upon awakening, so in lieu of being cranky back at her, I opted to take her to the park.
An hour later we left, happier and feeling better about our Friday.
Park
Friday morning Neely woke up grumpy. It happens quite often so I wasn't surprised.
It's not easy to stay in a good mood when you're being tantrumed at immediately upon awakening, so in lieu of being cranky back at her, I opted to take her to the park.
An hour later we left, happier and feeling better about our Friday.
It's not easy to stay in a good mood when you're being tantrumed at immediately upon awakening, so in lieu of being cranky back at her, I opted to take her to the park.
An hour later we left, happier and feeling better about our Friday.
Why The Dear Diary Posts?
DEAR DIARY POSTS HAVE MOVED HERE
I know that some of you may be uncomfortable with or confused by my Dear Diary posts.
At the start of this blog I wanted it to be 100% authentic.
And to me, authenticity is owning your junk. I went through a horrible time in my previous marriage. Most people (my parents included) don't know how bad it was. So I post these entries to shed some light on what my life was like from 2000-2002.
Because it wasn't good. There was nothing good about it.
Yet this period of time shaped me.
God has healed me and I am able to properly function in an amazing marriage.
But that doesn't negate all of my prior experiences.
I think it is necessary to post these entries in order to be the woman I strive to be.
I could take my diaries and read them to myself but that would only create bad things in my head.
This is cathartic and it's what I need.
Also, perhaps my friends and family who were in my life at that time can read and maybe get some healing from it. Seeing how bad things were then and how GOOD God has been to me should be enough for anyone to be grateful and forgiving!
Thanks for your support and for reading.
ps. Not all Dear Diary posts will be about my old marriage. I will also be including other diary entries. Pay attention to dates!
How Wonderful Life Is...
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| "how wonderful life is now you're in the world" |
I painted this for Neely's room because it's surprisingly undecorated (except for the curtains my mom made her which are amazing) and she was in dire need of color. Well her walls were, she is plenty colorful! It is painted on wood we bought at Home Depot and had cut for us. It is slightly bowed which actually worked out perfectly because it added dimension once we hung it up.
I found my inspiration from this picture:
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| via |
I treated this painting like it was a love letter. A love letter to my baby girl and a love letter to God. That's how I feel about painting. I know that God gives me my only inspiration and I know He is so so happy when I paint!
God loves art!
16 Months
Motherhood is a tender thing.
From the moment you know you're pregnant your life is a whirlwind.
You experience nervousness, anxiety, excitement, happiness, frustration and joy.
Oh, the absolute joy. It makes me weak.
B and I have been dealing with some Big Things and then we look in awe at this miracle, this beautiful wonder. She's not just a ray, she is the entire sun.
And when you are playing with her, bathing her, feeding her, loving on her, you forget, for those sweet moments, that you have any problems at all.
And I think perhaps that is why God made children to be so wonderful. So innocent and pure.
So we can spend our time marveling at their greatness instead of wallowing in our stress.
My child (my child!) has been on this earth for sixteen months today and I am pretty sure I have only been alive that long too.
From the moment you know you're pregnant your life is a whirlwind.
You experience nervousness, anxiety, excitement, happiness, frustration and joy.
Oh, the absolute joy. It makes me weak.
B and I have been dealing with some Big Things and then we look in awe at this miracle, this beautiful wonder. She's not just a ray, she is the entire sun.
And when you are playing with her, bathing her, feeding her, loving on her, you forget, for those sweet moments, that you have any problems at all.
And I think perhaps that is why God made children to be so wonderful. So innocent and pure.
So we can spend our time marveling at their greatness instead of wallowing in our stress.
My child (my child!) has been on this earth for sixteen months today and I am pretty sure I have only been alive that long too.
green tea.
He handed me the iced green tea with a smile.
I accepted it, not telling him I prefer it in latte form.
Mentioning the latte part would only sound like I'm fat. (do you really need those calories?) Not realizing in ten minutes I would eat ten too many tortilla chips with salsa.
After all, the reason he bought me the tea to begin with was to attempt to rescue me from my impending black hole of despair.
I am finding it easy to slip into my old ways.
I'm sure they discussed our Problem and how it was affecting me. Because
when your ray of sunshine is blocked by a cloud, you suddenly feel how chilly life is.
And my head was in the cloud.
And my attitude was getting worse by the second.
So I graciously accepted his kind gift of a green tea and drank it, heart smiling.
I never underestimate the kindness of friends.
I accepted it, not telling him I prefer it in latte form.
Mentioning the latte part would only sound like I'm fat. (do you really need those calories?) Not realizing in ten minutes I would eat ten too many tortilla chips with salsa.
After all, the reason he bought me the tea to begin with was to attempt to rescue me from my impending black hole of despair.
I am finding it easy to slip into my old ways.
I'm sure they discussed our Problem and how it was affecting me. Because
when your ray of sunshine is blocked by a cloud, you suddenly feel how chilly life is.
And my head was in the cloud.
And my attitude was getting worse by the second.
So I graciously accepted his kind gift of a green tea and drank it, heart smiling.
I never underestimate the kindness of friends.
This is What I Live For.
When I'm with my family, nothing else matters.
Brett & Neely are my life.I have never felt such joy as I do when we are all together.
I live for this moment.
5 Years
It's been 5 years since I married Brett.
5 amazing years.
We are so in love, such best friends.
There is no one that I love as much as I love Brett.
And he gave me Neely.
Life is amazing.
God is good.
5 amazing years.
We are so in love, such best friends.
There is no one that I love as much as I love Brett.
And he gave me Neely.
Life is amazing.
God is good.
God is Good.
Actually He is great.
Today, during one of my rare appearances in church, God gently took me in His arms and whispered a sweet song of hope over my life.
He made promises to me, ones that I have no doubt will come true.
He made promises to Brett. Brett is extra loved by God, everyone. It's amazing. Brett is amazing.
He shook us up and loved us down.
He loves me so much. He loves you so much. Yes, even you.
How wonderful it is to serve a God who is Love.
Today, during one of my rare appearances in church, God gently took me in His arms and whispered a sweet song of hope over my life.
He made promises to me, ones that I have no doubt will come true.
He made promises to Brett. Brett is extra loved by God, everyone. It's amazing. Brett is amazing.
He shook us up and loved us down.
He loves me so much. He loves you so much. Yes, even you.
How wonderful it is to serve a God who is Love.
I AM SAVED!
Apple is the greatest in all the land.
They gave me a new phone!!!
I'm mourning the loss of 700+ photos but I'm SO HAPPY to have a new phone!!
They gave me a new phone!!!
I'm mourning the loss of 700+ photos but I'm SO HAPPY to have a new phone!!
Day of the Dead
Today, an hour or so ago, my iPhone attempted to take its life by jumping into the toilet.
It is in critical condition right now.
We aren't sure if it will survive.
Pray for it, as it is my only means of communication with anyone other than N.
Thanks.
It is in critical condition right now.
We aren't sure if it will survive.
Pray for it, as it is my only means of communication with anyone other than N.
Thanks.
A Whisper
Calm morning, baby is napping. I sit on the couch listening to neighborhood sounds.
The engines of sporadic cars roaring down my street (they drive too fast for my taste), a child playing on the sidewalk.
Business phone calls, wild parrots, mocking birds and seagulls flying lazily overhead.
I am in my pajamas, still, thinking about the day ahead.
My body is trying to get me to relax and my mind is racing ahead.
I struggle to be in the moment. I am rarely in the moment.
But I still try.
I love the little things, the scent of the jasmine vine outside my front window, the whisper of the warm breeze bringing all its promises.
The engines of sporadic cars roaring down my street (they drive too fast for my taste), a child playing on the sidewalk.
Business phone calls, wild parrots, mocking birds and seagulls flying lazily overhead.
I am in my pajamas, still, thinking about the day ahead.
My body is trying to get me to relax and my mind is racing ahead.
I struggle to be in the moment. I am rarely in the moment.
But I still try.
I love the little things, the scent of the jasmine vine outside my front window, the whisper of the warm breeze bringing all its promises.
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